I’m fascinated by the upcoming film Bangkok Dangerous. Sure, some of my questions involve Nicholas Cage’s greasy hair, and whether he uses it to whip thugs into submission, but most of my questions focus on the title. Are the villains that Nic Cage faces so devilishly evil that they’ve stolen the word “is” from the very title of the film? Is it a play on the common, everyday phrase “Bangkok Dangerous?” As in, “Oh, you don’t want to fuck with Nic Cage, man. That motherfucker is BANGKOK Dangerous.” Is the entire film simply a poorly-translated warning video put out by the Bankok tourism board, and if so, what’s their budget? Nic Cage’s greasy hair doesn’t come cheap.

Mainly, I just wonder what they’ll name the sequel. “Bangkok Dangerous” is such a perfect void of meaning, a phrase of such exquisite, dumb emptiness that I worry it can’t be topped. When you stare into Bangkok Dangerous, Bangkok Dangerous stares back into you.

Still, I thought I could offer the producers some possibilities. The obvious option is simply to switch locations:

Or they could move to a different city and add some of that punk rock flair:

Better yet, they could expand on the sexual meaning of “Bangkok:”

Perhaps while maintaining a faux-Eastern feel…

Or they could dispense with all subtlety, and go more clinical:

But they should probably just go with something brutally honest: