It’s the Jewish magical realism tale that almost made Elliott hate his own Judaism: The Cobbler. Meanwhile, Stuart suffers from cartoon eye degeneration, Dan would like you to know very much that he’s a wealthy murderer, and Elliott’s singing has started to bleed dangerously outside the letters section.

Is Seventh Son seventh fun? Perhaps, though we’re not sure what “seventh fun” means. Meanwhile, Elliott pitches us on FXXX, Stuart expresses his love for fantasy bullshit maps, and Dan feels terrible about mixing up En Vogue and TLC.

Will Cameron Crowe ever rebound from his Elizabethtown slump? Probably not with the even-worse Aloha. Meanwhile, Dan calls out famed painter Leonardo Da Vinci, Elliott can’t remember the rich Bazooka Joe cast of characters, and Stu engages in something that’s definitely a bit.

We’ve had a lot of great press recently, so we thought we’d offer new listeners a classic show as a good starting point.

It’s a super-sized, super-fun, super-technical-glitch-filled CONTEST WINNER SELECTION EPISODE! Tom Horstmann requested that we watch the 1986’s The Golden Child, AKA “Don’t worry about rewriting the screenplay; Eddie Murphy can improvise any action movie into a comedy!” Meanwhile Stuart uncovers the racist motives of the BK Kids Club, Elliott takes down beloved dead comedian Bill Hicks, and Dan advocates the Morvern style of menswear.

For this year’s Cagemas we honor both the kindly St. Nicholas Cage, and Star Wars by picking the Cage-Hayden Christiansen joint, Outcast. Meanwhile, Stuart does an ad for Clearasil, Elliott contributes his worst Popeye, and, yet again, Stu and Elliott interrupt Dan when he’s trying to do something nice for other people. Merry Cagemas.

On this episode we uncharacteristically talk sports, specifically futbol, as we watched the definitely-not-about-a-corrupt-organization FIFA film, United Passions. And who better to join us as we wade into these unfamiliar waters than sports expert and Flop House nemesis, David Kalan.

Remember when Chappie fever swept the country, with all those pet Chappies, and tickle-me-Chappies? Meanwhile, Elliott describes a literary-technique-based dystopian future, Stuart continues to explain the Internet, and Dan just checks out for a while. Like, he totally doesn’t talk for seven minutes or something. Sorry, it was a long week.